he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
