I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
