you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.