i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
In America we eat man semen.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.