I'm retarded. Again.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby