She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.