Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.