Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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