I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.