you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?