He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
