My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
