Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
