He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
