Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
