I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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