So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
