I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Randomize
