I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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