Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish my penis had an off switch
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
