Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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