i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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