She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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