oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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