how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
