I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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