Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
