you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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