You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Terrible idea I love it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
