I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
