fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
