Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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