take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
