Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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