I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
either way he was missing a nipple.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
