I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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