fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
