I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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