You're my little dorito
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
