Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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