If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
