Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
