In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
