Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
