so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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