His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
tell me about the eggs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
