I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize