I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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