Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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