yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
