You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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