I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
