when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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