Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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