you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
