peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
