God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
