So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
