but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Michael Bay diarrhea
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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