I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
