We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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