glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
