you mean i was at the winter classic?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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