so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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