Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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