This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
