WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
