pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
