I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
