Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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