Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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