Your mouth is God's brothel.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
